I got flowers today.

I got flowers today.

It wasn't my birthday or any other special day.

We had our first argument last night,

And he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me.

I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said

Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today.

It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day.

Last night, he threw me into a wall and started to choke me.

I couldn't believe it was real.

I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over.

I know he must be sorry

Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today,

And it wasn't Mother's Day or any other special day.

Last night, he beat me up again.

And it was much worse than all the other times.

If I leave him, what will I do?

How will I take care of my kids?

What about money?

I'm afraid of him and scared to leave.

But I know he must be sorry

Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today.

Today was a very special day.

It was the day of my funeral.

Last night, he finally killed me.

He beat me to death.

If only I had gathered

Enough courage and strength to leave him,

I would not have gotten flowers today.

-Author Unknown

I think this poem helps us to better comprehend the cycle of violence.

The similarities & differences between my organizations

I think both of these organizations do a great job helping women who really need help and peace in their lives. I noticed that the two organizations both have the same common goal in mind, which is to eliminate violence in women’s lives and in return create a peaceful environment to live in. They also both want to educate women and their communities so that they can eliminate violence all together in our world.

The differences between the organizations is that the Battered Women's Shelter of Summit County offers an emergency shelter for women and children to reside in for up to three weeks and also a transitional housing unit where they can live in for up to two years. Women for Women International offers a one-year program for women to be educated, taught new skills and a job so that they can return to their communities financially stable and as active citizens.

My Personal Experinences

My personal experience with the Battered Women's Shelter of Summit County was through my volunteer training courses March 29- April 2, 2009. I went to the B.W.S. main office building in Akron for my volunteer training courses for four nights that week. During those courses I learned all about the history of the B.W.S., deviance, the cycle of violence, crisis intervention, the shelter services, listening and communication skills, court services, stalking, the effects domestic violence has on children and all the shelter has to offer to children. (If you check out some of my older blogs I go into more detail about all of these things I learned.) Each day of my training we had a couple different facilitators. This was because the people that taught us the different things were actually the head people involved with them. We were receiving real information from the actual people who are doing what they taught us. That was very interesting to hear. Like I said before, they were training us exactly the same as they train their staff members. We were learning lots of valuable information. It was a lot more interesting than I thought it was going to be. I knew it was going to be pretty intense since we had to go through a twenty hour training before we could volunteer, but I really enjoyed it. It definitely makes me feel a lot more empathetic towards women going through domestic violence. I feel like I understand more of why it's such a struggle to get out of an abusive relationship. I really hope I can finish my training soon, so that I can start volunteering at the B.W.S. I'm really happy that I decided to do this training and get to learn firsthand from the actual people who deal with it daily.

Women for Women International

WHAT?

• Women for Women International helps women that have been affected by conflict or live in post-conflict environments to transform their lives with peace. The organization offers a one-year program to help women get back into their communities as active citizens. The program offers essential needs to the women, education about their rights, leadership, vocational and technical skills and finally a job so that they can get back into their communities financially stable.

HISTORY

• Zainab Salbi is the founder and CEO for Women for Women International. Salbi grew up living in the war torn country of Iraq in the shadows of Saddam Hussein. She wrote a memoir called Between Two Worlds: Escape from Tyranny: Growing Up in the Shadow of Saddam. She ended up escaping Iraq and begun to help other women who were living in war torn countries just like she had. She says, "Women who survive war are strong, resilient and courageous – they just need some support dealing with the aftermath of conflict."


• W.W.I. was founded in 1993


• 93,000 and counting women survivors of the war are now active in their communities

If you would like more information about Zainab Salbi and some of her more recent work, you can check out this web page http://www.womenforwomen.org/about-women-for-women/zainab-salbi.php.

The People

• Zainab Salbi is the founder and CEO of W.W.I.


• Queen Rania Al-Abdullah (who is the Queen of the Royal Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan) is the Global Ambassador


• There are 17 members of the Board of Directors


• There are 8 members on the Global Management Team


• There are 4 members on the International Council of Advisors


• There are 13 members on the Business Advisory Council


• There are 9 members on the Communications Advisory Council


• There are 8 women who are country directors for each country W.W.I. serves.


• Anyone can sponsor a woman in any of the countries W.W.I. serves and by sponsoring you send money to help better a woman's life and become pen pals with them.


• W.W.I. serves women in the following countries: Afghanistan, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Democratic Republic of the Congo, Iraq, Kosovo, Nigeria, Rwanda and Sudan.
  

If you would like to read up on some of the field notes from women who've been helping women in war torn countries check out this blog http://wfwnotesfromthefield.wordpress.com/.

You make this possible! W.W.I. is run by sponsorships and donations. You can sponsor a woman and change a life. Check out this web page https://mywomenforwomen.org/donation/sponsor-a-woman.php?wfw=webgenSP.

W.W.I. wants to change women's war torn lives for the better. Salbi believes that stronger women build stronger nations. They've helped so many people so far, 93,000 and counting. They hope to have that number continue to grow. They want to keep raising awareness through the media about Women for Women International and all it has to offer women. Here is a youtube video that tells all about W.W.I. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwWy7OtaSM8&feature=PlayList&p=D4EB22741A0733C6&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=54.

The photograph was taken from http://www.womenforwomen.org/. Zainab Salbi is the woman sitting in the center of the photograph.

Court Advocacy

A caring person on your side to provide support, useful information about what to expect in court and what to say is what court advocacy offers. The Battered Women's Shelter provides court advocacy to both Summit and Medina counties. Most of the time women going to court don't know they are going to have an advocate with them until they get there. Advocates are notified by the courts when there are domestic violence cases and the advocates show up and help whoever needs it. When in court the advocates offer the client help in obtaining a protection order. There are four different types of protection orders: TPO's (temporary protection orders), CPO's (civil protection orders), SCPO's (stalking civil protection orders) and SSOOPO's (stalking sexually oriented offense protection orders). These protection orders are not restraining orders so violating them is a crime!

A temporary protection order can only be placed with a domestic violence arrest against the batterer. TPO's are usually placed so that the victim is safe and homicides don't occur. However, when the batterer is not allowed to go within 500 feet of their home, they can get very dangerous because all their control has been taken away. TPO's only last until the end of the case, which can be a very short period of time.

With a civil protection order you don't need an arrest to get one placed. All you need is a recent incident of one of the following: a threat, physical harm, stalking etc. and that recent incident can go five years back. To get a CPO placed it can take up to 1-3hr. of paperwork mainly because the victim has to write out what happened in the "domestic acts of violence" against them. The victim then has to go to court and testify their most recent incident and why they want the protection order. With CPO's only one side of the story is heard. The magistrate makes his decision and let's them know. The CPO keeps the batterer 500 yards away from the victim at all times. (If they end up at the same store the batterer has to be the one to leave.) Following that a full hearing is held 7-10 days later and both parties are required to be there. They discuss custody issues and finally a decision is made whether or not to keep the order in place. The judge gets to decide how long the protection order will be in place for anywhere from 1-5 years.

Stalking civil protection orders have the same paperwork and process as TPO's. To obtain one though, you cannot have had a child with the stalker ever or lived with the stalker in the last five years. The story of the victim being stalked has to meet the definition of menacing by stalking which is engaging in a pattern of conduct that the stalker knows will cause harm to the victim. There has to be two incidents closely related in time like physical harm or attempted physical harm. There also has to be noted mental distress by the victim like things that they've changed because of the stalker. For example driving a different way home or to work. SCPO's are normally granted for 1year but can be up to 5years.

Sexually stalking oriented offense protection orders are just like SCPO's except there has to be one rape and stalking. Stalking can be various things from sending a pizza to vandalizing the victim's property. Sending a pizza implies that they know the victim is home and also gives them a financial burden of paying for it.

A few laws and programs to help keep victims safe include the following: VAWA, Ohio Victime Compensation Program and V.I.N.E. VAWA is the violence against women act that states if you move from state to state all of your protection orders will go with you. The Ohio Victim Compensation Program offers free attorneys, counseling, paid medical expenses, paid time missed form work and childcare. However, to be eligible for this program you need to have filed a police report within 72hr. of the domestic violence act and not have any felonious conduct on your record, like illegal drugs or committed felonies. V.I.N.E. stands for victim information notification everyday. This lets the victim know when their batterer is getting transfered to another prison or getting released out of prison.

The photograph was taken from www.ywcaknox.com.

It's not just the victim, children are affected too!

Women aren't the only ones suffering from domestic violence. Their children are too. A statistic stated that some children who witnessed their mothers being abused suffered the same as children who've been abused. It's not something to be taken lightly. Children who witness abuse are affected just the same and it can alter their lives forever, whether it was the intended purpose of the abuser or not. Everyone tends to think they're just children who don't know what's going on, but they do. You don't have to yell at them, for them to realize mommy and daddy are fighting. They look at their parents and think that is the way relationships work. You as a parent decide how your children will grow up to live and treat others in relationships.

Today in my volunteer training we viewed a video about the affects of domestic violence on children. It was very shocking to see just how much it really does affect them. I never really looked at it that way. It was really sad to see that a boy, age 6, watched his mother get stabbed by her boyfriend. Later in life he got married but he was always depressed and he didn't care about his wife or two children. He said, "he could never know how to love someone." The only reason he married her was because she was pregnant. Another little girl who witnessed her mother being beaten by her father later in life said, "she didn't like boys because they don't know how to treat women right." It's just so eye-opening that these children are being scarred for life because of how their parents treated each other. Their parents had no idea just how bad it was for their children until later in life.

The other part of my training class we learned about the Child/Youth Advocacy Program. This program focuses on helping children to talk about what they've seen and heard at home, learn new things (ie. games, skills), be safe, have fun and just be kids. Most of the time when kids come into the shelter they think that they are the cause for the abuse their mother get at home. When you're little the world revolves around you, so you think it's your fault. In the Child/Youth Advocacy Program they help kids to understand that they have no control over the adults around them. However, they teach them that they are responsible for their actions: what they say and do. The Child/Youth Advocacy Program also offers a lot of programs to the children.

Some of the programs they offer include: Project R.I.S.E., PACK, Summer Arts Program, Field Trips, Individual Child Programs and Time Out. Project R.I.S.E. stands for realizing individual strength in education. This program is funded through the McKinney-Vento Homeless Assistance Act. This program offers many resources too many to list (I received a huge notebook full of information about this). One thing they offer is tutors that come directly to the shelter 4 nights a week to help the children with their homework. It also provides paid transportation(taxi's or bus passes) for children to get to their school or the school their mother wants them to attend. PACK is a performing arts program which is really important to the children because they get to go to a theatre (like the Barberton Magical Theatre) and see a play and get the book of the play. Then once the play is over they get to go up on stage and get their books signed and finally a tour of backstage. How cool is that? I'd say pretty stinking awesome! The Summer Arts Program is once a week during the summer months where an artist comes to the shelter and does an art project with both the children and women. Field trips are taken all the time with the kids and they are always educational. They go to the Cleveland Museum of Natural History, Cleveland Zoo, Yoder Farm and Rolling Ridge Ranch just to name a few. Also on Tuesday nights the kids and women have the chance to go to a karate class, which shows to be very beneficial to both the children and women. Individual Child Programs are when the Child/Youth Advocate is one on one with a child and has them answer a set of questions that goes along with a seris of stories about domestic violence in the home. This is so that the Child/Youth Advocate can better see where these kids are coming from. Time Out is once a week for children in grades K-6. Here they eat a meal together, have a story, then a craft and finally work on any homework or do an educational game on a laptop. They learn manners, respect, how to set a table and how to say "please" and "thank you".

I got the photograph from community.wegohealth.com. It's funny because the photograph is called "happy children." That's exactly what I want!

"Are you safe?"

That is one of the first questions I learned that you need to ask when answering the crisis hot line. My second day of training yesterday, I learned all about the shelters, crisis intervention, communication and listening skills. Training really is very interesting. I would definitely recommend it to everyone, it is a great way to become more aware about domestic violence that occurs in all of our communities, so that we can try and stop it. The more educated you are, the better decisions you make.

The Battered Women's Shelter provides the following services: counseling (one on one talking, not professional), support (necessities; food, water, clothing, shelter), planning (education, careers), listening, safety (legal advice about protection orders), case management, youth advocacy and in-house support groups.

The first step in obtaining help from the B.W.S. is Crisis Intervention. Crisis Intervention starts out with a staff member or volunteer talking with a victim of domestic violence trying to identify the crisis or problem. Next resources are given to the victim so that they can seek other help if needed. A good website that is often referred to clients is http://211summit.org/. This website contains a great number of resources that may be helpful to clients. Emotional support is a big thing that the B.W.S. offers to all the victims that come in for help. The staff and volunteers are educated on domestic violence and realize how courageous these women are for seeking help. Another huge issue that is dealt with is the safety of the clients. The locations of all the shelters are kept confidential as are the clients who reside in them. It is the most dangerous time for a victim when she/he leaves their batterer.

Communication is very important in trying to help the victims of domestic violence. When a victim is communicating with a staff/volunteer they have a message that they are trying to get across, therefore they are the encoder. As the victim is talking to the staff/volunteer they are trying to decode what the victim is saying to understand the message. Then the staff/volunteer reply with their feedback. It's actually a tricky process and when you're trying to decode what someone has just said you tend to tune out what else they're saying. When you're communicating with someone they notice most, your body language(55%), then your tone(38%) and finally your content( only 7%). Communication is inescapable, irreversible, complicated and contextual.

Listening is also extremely important. Sometimes the reason why a victim calls the hot line or comes in for help is so that someone will listen to them. Some good listening skills are eye contact, affirming with nods and feedback, giving your full undivided attention, paraphrasing what they said, avoiding emotional involvement and asking open ended questions. Do not doodle, interrupt, ask yes or no questions and don't try to fix their problems. Hearing and listening are not the same thing. You should be giving empathetic listening, not sympathetic listening. Sympathy is feeling what someone else feels through you. Empathy is feeling what someone else feels through them.

The photograph was taken from www.inclusive-solutions.com.